I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
