I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im part way to drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
