he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
