I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She even gives head with a lisp.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
