so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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