Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
