We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
