goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
