I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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