You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
