She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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