hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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