I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
