yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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