I hate your face
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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