i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
