She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
