honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
