she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
