mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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