I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
