drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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