Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
