I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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