just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
