She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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