So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
