1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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