I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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