I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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