I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize