I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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