dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
