So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
