party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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