i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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