a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
