When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
