I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
