I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
