I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
