my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
