dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
