I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
