just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
