I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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