Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
