Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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