Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
