he wants to bone in the snuggie
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize