I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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