apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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