i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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