Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
