I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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