he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
