I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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