I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
