That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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