I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
