ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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