One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
