lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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