I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
