I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
