dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
