ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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