Only a mothe r could love this liver
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
