If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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