dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
