This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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