booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
