we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
