one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
