saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think a kid would responsible me up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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