he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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