Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
