i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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