You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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