my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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