A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
from now on my penis is your penis
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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