I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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